How at times we wished life came with a manual!! Perhaps, there existed an expert who knew the right combinations to be prescribed to each person according to their traumas, deep rooted patterns and karmic alignments, so that they can navigate through the nuances of their lifetime. But alas, that’s far from true even in a well suited and an idealistic fantasy of some parallel universe.

The combinations I am talking about in the above paragraph, are the various practices inculcated, ideologies adopted and beliefs constructed consciously or unconsciously by humans to maneuver through tough times of personal loss and identity crisis, when life hasn’t been too kind. Coming from quite a religious and god-fearing family background, the concepts of God, karma and destiny are not oblivion to me. However, what we fail to understand at the time of life’s major transition period is the role childhood conditioning, habitual mental patterns, neurological wiring at birth, lack of self-awareness and an unstable sense of self, plays in our decision making on a daily basis.

It’s a normal practice for a human being to dig deep into philosophy and spiritual aspects in order to find a few answers. The practices like chanting a divine’s name, staying rooted in one’s body, grounding and breathing exercises, praying, and reading various philosophical and spiritual texts extensively becomes part of one’s daily schedule. For me personally, my bookshelf had seen a replacement from the genre of non-fiction political and historical books to self-help, occult and spiritual ones. But little did I realize that this information overload would land me in a more confused state of mind, oscillating between a believer and a nihilist and finally constructing an identity for myself as the one who was broken, traumatized and constantly needed healing or some divine’s grace.

Someone wise told me then, “True healing is not by doing all these spiritual practices and getting lost in finding answers to your existential crisis but rather not operating from the identity of your trauma and knowing you are beyond that”. This hit me like a lightening bolt. My coping pattern of absolution in spirituality had become a gateway of escapism from the real emotions, psychological wound and the harsh reality of life. I had become the living embodiment of extremities. Undertaking any activity which had no spiritual connotation to it felt like a crime. This phenomena in the new age lingo, is known as, “Spiritual Bypassing”.

Where faith is an absolutely paramount factor for living a good, dignified and a fearless life but indulgence in these spiritual aspects without any aspect of self-awareness along with a physical guide, is a recipe for disaster. Living in a not so kind world, if I must say, marred by all evils possible of deception, narcissistic high headedness and self-centrism, the concepts of boundaries and safeguarding one’s personal space becomes indispensable for survival. Sadly, one’s mere acts and practices of pure devotion towards a divine doesn’t provide tools and wisdom to act in this manner. And it is only when one turns an eye into their inner world and deals with their darker aspects, accept the fallibility of human self on the whole and face the insecurities which give rise to self-limiting and toxic patterns, that one gets truly humbled, which perhaps spirituality too aims to direct all of us towards.

In that context, the role of therapy and psychological support becomes important. The act of talking about real life daily issues and emotions in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) setup, shifting your focus towards your habitual patterns, the tools provided by your professional to process and handle the stressful events and situations better, the intense psychological post-mortem being undertaken to reconstruct your sense of self in order to deal with the world in a better manner can’t be understated.

The ultimate aim at the end of the day is to transform the particular individual into an empowered and a resilient being. One’s faith and spiritual discipline is too personalized. Unlike in a professional therapeutic setup, it doesn’t come with the sense of accountability and responsibility on a daily manner. Where your faith provides you the solid foundation to function and survive, your attempts towards emotional regulation and self-awareness helps you thrive. The process and the speed of recognizing one’s limitations, breaking the long carried forward habit of self-abandonment, the ability to communicate effectively without putting oneself on a backburner, standing in one’s own reclaimed power, forgiving oneself in an event of falter and finally learning the art of detachment with compassion, gets manifold in the right professional therapeutic set up.

Where everything is divinely orchestrated, yes, it is now high time to equally understand and accept that we live in an interdependent world driven by physical and materialistic pursuits. Merely getting lost in the other side of existence, is no more the solution to function in a healthy manner. Seeking help of fellow humans is normal. The need of the hour is deconstruction of victim mentality which is masked as that of a detached, indifferent and a devout being of the divine. Real spirituality is having faith on humanity again, being grounded and holding the respectful space for others with your boundaries and having the wisdom to know when to withdraw as and how. On the personal front, in fact, my spiritual beliefs, its understanding and the connection with the higher power has deepened since I have entered the space to know and understand myself better. But again, like I always say, “to each their own!!!”