For the common view, ‘Patriarchy’ is perceived as a social system where men hold primary power and dominance, particularly in family, social and political structures. It is characterized by the belief that men are superior to women and that they should hold positions of authority. This system can lead to the marginalization and oppression of women over the time.

By this logic, men of the family are supposed to be the oppressors and therefore, a girl/woman can’t live freely, independently and breathe a whiff of fresh air. 

But for me, it was the opposite. I lived most independently, freely and consciously when my father was physically present around me. Not even for a moment, I felt the clutches of patriarchy binding my feet. (Or perhaps, one can say I was at a very nascent age to realise the real deal, but I would like to disagree). 

It’s about to be a decade soon, since he left us, and fast forward to now, I have seen what subjugation feels like, how even if patriarchy is not much experienced in your immediate vicinity, the society doesn’t spare you from feeling it in your veins. Feminism or gender equality can’t be seen as only fight against patriarchy in terms of living on equal terms and having chance to pursue similar opportunities as the male gender. Patriarchy is rooted in the psyche, behavior and subsconscious of the collective now. From my personal experience , patriarchy is an attempt of micromanagement by others in the absence of a male head, patriarchy is always living with fear in your head regarding if something goes wrong, how would it all be managed. Patriarchy is not trusting oneself with decisions because your ‘delusioned support system’ does let you have the agency to have a strong sense of self. And the list can go on and on and on… 

How at times people are astonished the way I function (as if I would have done anything different incase he was here)….this astonishment is patriarchy for me. Getting compliments for actions done towards self reliance and self dependence, is patriarchy for me. All this stuff has to do more with the ‘values of being a boarding school child’ than anything else. But, all your identities and achievements are diluted, once that strong male force is erased from your life.

This made me think … how ironic is it that in the absence, rather than in the presence of a man, I felt what this curse was… How at times, the presence of a masculine energy can give you wings to fly than the absence of it. How you eventually get to understand all the feminist discourses once read in academic books, by not having the ‘male head of the family’ in your reality than otherwise.